No cause for alarm
I recently killed my smoke alarm.
It was a horrible misunderstanding.
I had put some washing on – the machine is in the kitchen. The washing machine had been playing up regularly with all manner of problems, so when it started beeping I thought it was alerting me to another fault.
So, I turned it off. The bleeping continued.
Something must be really wrong I thought, perhaps I had better turn it off at the socket. The socket, as it happens is behind the washing machine, which is boxed in under a counter.
Half an hour of strenuous activity later and the washing machine was in the middle of my kitchen floor and I could crawl behind it to turn off the switch at the socket. The beeping continued.
I need you to understand, my hearing isn’t that great at the moment, it’s my only defence.
I made my way around the kitchen, trying to find the source of the noise. I would walk some way and it would get quieter, then I’d walk another way and it would get louder, then quieter again.
It took me another half an hour before I looked up to see the smoke detector.
Turns out, the battery had run down and with it’s last bit of energy it tried to alert me to the fact that it was no longer looking after my best interests. I unhooked the dying battery and the beeping stopped.
I know that doesn’t really count as killing it… but there’s more.
There’s a bump in the floor, underneath the cabinet where the washing machine goes and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get the machine to go back in its box. I tried everything – taking a run up, lifting it, using a pivot, even rocking it – nothing would work.
It was whilst doing this that my wrist broke.
I lost my temper, picked up a nearby broom and beat the smoke alarm until it fell to the ground. I know it wasn’t it’s fault, and it certainly didn’t make my wrist feel any better, but that’s what you get for trying to save me from a fiery hell.
Three months of having an almost unusable kitchen later and I finally got the washing machine back in place. I thought I’d just give it a shove one day and in it popped, no effort needed.
I thought about the smoke alarm.
Sean on 
Maddie on
You should really get that smoke alarm fixed. Not just for safety reasons, but… poor smoke alarm.
I believe you can get a smoke alarm which includes a light. That would make it easier to tell that it’s the smoke alarm beeping and not something else. Of course that probably wouldn’t be much use in the case of an actual fire.
I do find that the fire provides all the warning light I need.
It is fixed now though, well, not really… I don’t think it can be. Replaced, yes, fixed, no.
Haha, As I read this, one of my remaining smoke alarms is dying from a flat battery.
The other died cos it decided to go off when ever I showered.
I once had a smoke alarm go off in a hotel room after taking a shower. I just couldn’t figure out how to turn that thing off. It didn’t come off the wall like all the ones I had been forced to deal with before.
Moments later I learned how awkward it can be to check out with the sound of a smoke alarm in the distance.
I don’t have a smoke alarm because my place is a deathtrap. DEATHTRAP I SAY!
Having your own deathtrap sounds cool. Well, unless you die in it…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers
OK Geek guy. That isn’t a clothes washer
built into your kitchen counter. Dork.
It’s called a dishwasher.
Your glasses should come out spotless,
which is a different result than what
happens to your ewwwwww shorts.
Hahaha! Wow Adam: that’s a story. “Save yourselves, flammable humans!”
Seraphine, I did the same thing, assuming he was talking about a clothes washer. And wondering why it was in the kitchen.
Joseph H., I’ve heard the term Collyer Brothers’ Syndrome before, but never knew what it referred to. And now I know. Thank you much!
i think i have some distant relatives who were like that
Nope, as a Brit, living in a rented house with not much room, it is a clothes washer in my kitchen… I wish I had a dishwasher, but alas I don’t.
Actually, it’s quite common in the UK to have your clothes-bashed washing machine in your kitchen.
Oh. Well I’ll be. How strange.
Offering my condolences for your broken
wrist and lack of a dishwasher, and my
apologies for calling you a dork. Hugs!
The wrist is fine now, bones heal but smoke detectors require superglue.
and I don’t really mind the lack of a dishwasher… I think that I must be in the 5% of the population that enjoys doing the washing up by hand. It’s where I think of the ideas behind most of these strips.
As for calling me a dork, bygones, there are worse things than whale genitalia…
Dork = whale genitalia? I think I missed the memo on that one…
Yup, ’tis true.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dork
And ‘Dude’ is the camel equivalent.
Perhaps a more ‘assertive’ smoke alarm is in order; your dead one sounds like it was far too polite. Ours is so loud that there is no mistaking what it is–not by us, not by any of the neighbors.
wow, thats um…thats quite the story. you are so fabulously strange.
On re-telling it is a great story, but having our washing machine sat in the middle of the kitchen for 3 months was rather tiresome.
Oh and, just for your info, in the UK not that many people have dishwashers at all. Only large families tend to have them, although they are becoming more popular and less of a luxury.
I’ve always thought them a rather unnecessary item myself……
my smoke alarm has a built in “feature” that lets you test it with ANY remote control.. or wireless mouse/keyboard.. or a psp’s IR port.. you see where i’m going. the poor thing spends a lot of time on my floor.