February 21st, 2008
Strange fruit
This ties in with the ‘what if you could make something better’ theory –
We’re spending a lot of time money and effort trying to get people to give things up in the western world, which I suppose is one strategy, but wouldn’t it be better if we tried to figure out how to take these things that are bad for you and make them work in a positive manner.
I suppose the holy grail would be a cigarette that could help prevent lung cancer… but I’d settle for one that doesn’t cause it and cleans our teeth at the same time.
It’s just blue-sky thinking, but if you could take something that you enjoy, but is harmful, and change it to have a benefit instead, what would it be?
Philip J Schadenfreude on 
Been reading your comics for a while. Great stuff. Thought I’d post now that I have a chance to be first.
In India we have a fruit called Nayantara. It tastes a lot like a Kit Kat, even the seeds taste like wafer! We call it the ‘chaki fruit’.
Actually, we don’t, but I wanted to say something vaguely interesting.
And, yes, FIRST!
Hello – I’m glad you decided to comment, it’s always nice to meet new people.
…as for Nayantara, I like that a lot… in the US they have a thing called a Cruise fruit – its content is mostly nuts.
…and whilst there is no real prize (other than the inherent glory) for commenting first, you do score points for giving me a giggle and saying something interesting.
Vitamin fortified stouts that protect your liver? Moshing as exercise instead of gross bodily injury (no blood!?)? Teeth-cleaning hookahs? Chocolate that helps tone your abs?
Somehow, it seems that the harm is part of the fun. With out that, it just doesn’t seem as enjoyable, does it?
Stouts?
My grandfather was given Guinness in hospital, becuase of its medicinal properties, and I was advised to drink it to counteract the effects of a mercury filling I swallowed.
I just read ‘teeth cleaning hookahs’ out loud, and got a strange look from a co-worker.
I think you’re right though – the harm is the fun – and humans are weird.
I HAD THE SAME CIGARETTE IDEA! SERIOUSLY!
Honestly all my ideas would have to involve making healthy but tasty junk food alternatives. But there are already tons of people working on those kinds of things with zero success.
That doesn’t suprise me, Joe, but why haven’t you sorted it out yet? If anyone can it’ll be you.
I suppose the healthy junk food thing has been tried with artificial sweeteners, but as you say that’s with limited success… besides, that’s more of a substitution rather than an improvement.
Chocolate truffles that clear my complexion, stabalize my mood, and caus eme to lose weight just by eating them
Oooo, acne-curing ganache mousse chocolate death cake…yeeeeeeees….eeeeeexcellent…..
Wonder Truffles – the boys in the lab are working on such a thing, just for you. We’re short of a few Umpalumpa’s (they got out again) so it may take a while.
>_> …Sorry about that. I um, I’m part Whangdoodle, on my dad’s side…it’s common, in draconic families…
People.
Then again, making them better would take a ridiculous concerted effort. And the fact that they are completely infuriating is half the fun.
“…that they are infuriating is half the fun”
And the other half? The fact that they make noises if you poke them with a stick?
I think the other half is that people make such interesting characters when you’re writing. Careful guys, or you’ll end up in my novels! XD
Cancer could give you super-powers?
But would it still kill you? Would you get super powers *instead* of death? What about the pain? And such? These are things I think about. Possibly I think too much.
No, not thinking too much at all. That would mean I think too much, and I refuse to admit that.
Basically, every half-decent superhero needs to have something bad that happens because of their powers, or in the past.
Y’know, something painful and bad so that it’s not all good and you have more sympathy for them and how they deal with life (or maybe just so that you can get annoyed at their constant whining about how bad life is, when they clearly have really cool stuff).
I mean, Batman had his dark past, as did Catwoman.
In fact, the only superhero I can think of which hasn’t really had to deal with pain is Superman. And I don’t like him very much anyway.
So the cancer wouldn’t kill you, but it would still cause pain.
Although, to be honest, so many people get cancer that we’d soon be overrun by them. Maybe the super powers would have to be quite rubbish, minor ones or something.
You’re talking about ‘Genesis Trauma’ – which has nothing to do with Peter Gabriel – that to gain superpowers, the hero has to go through something dramatic and usually disturbing.
Even Superman has one, being ejected from his home planet and losing his parents as an infant…
I can see cancer working as a genesis trauma… and radiation is always a staple of the comic books…
As it happens, I think if we are ever to figure out immortality, cancer will be pointing they way.
I’d say cigarettes, but I smoke *because* it’s a little bit of death (coping mechanism for suicidal depression). H’m. I don’t really do a lot of things that are bad for me, really. Just the smoking. I mean, there are a lot of things I do that are harmful, but I don’t enjoy them….
Kurt Vonnegut famously smoked unfiltered Pall Mall cigarettes, claiming that ‘it’s a classy way to commit suicide’…
He also said, ‘I’ve been smoking Pall Mall unfiltered cigarettes since I was 12 or 14. So I’m going to sue the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Company, who manufactured them. And do you know why? Because I’m 83 years old. The lying bastards! On the package Brown & Williamson promised to kill me.’
It’s not so much that I smoke to commit suicide, as it is…h’m. Well a cigarette is a tiny bit of death. It’s controlled damage. If I pick up a knife, it’s not going to be controlled damage–I was raised by surgeons, I know where to slice. So…cigarettes are a way to hurt without hurting too much, if you get what I’m saying.
Also I smoke cloves. With a holder. So there is a note of hedonistic indulgence in my smoking habits, I suppose.
Cigarettes do NOT cause Cancer… Cigarettes cause Enphezima… Fumes from internal combustion engines cause cancer…
A Higher percentage of people who do NOT smoke are killed by lung cancer, than people who do smoke.
A Higher percentage of those people live (or used to live) within 300 yards of a heavily trafficked road, and even higher still if they lived within 1/2 mile of a major highway.
79% of all the people who lived past 102 yrs old, smoked for more than half their lives, including the worlds oldest Man 124 yrs old, and the worlds oldest woman 135 yrs old, who both smoked up until the day they died.
That’s like saying falling off a large building doesn’t kill you, it’s the landing at the bottom that does it. Which is true. But in the end, does it really make a difference?
Smoking is the biggest cause of illness and premature death in the UK.
“79% of all the people who lived past 102 yrs old, smoked for more than half their lives, including the worlds oldest Man 124 yrs old, and the worlds oldest woman 135 yrs old, who both smoked up until the day they died.”
That’s because they were actually alive during the big smoking craze, when the cigarette companies actually told people that there were significant health benefits to smoking.
What does smoking actually do, anyway? And if you’re about to say relax - there are other ways to relax which are less disgusting.
Oh good… and unarmed victim in a battle of witts… I’ve studied the facts, as a smoker who really hates smoke nazi’s, so I know all of these facts to be true…
There ARE actually health benefits to smoking…
Tobacco, as a smoke and as a smudge (smoldering scent pot) has been used for centuries by Native Americans as a cleansing and purifying herb.
It’s an excellent acclimatization medium for Athsematics and allergy sufferers… I used to suffer from Athsema, it went away when I started smoking at 16…
Tobacco smoke helps the body get rid of parasites, internal and external…
Nicotine regulates dopamine and endorphine production in people with bi-polar disorder…
Women who smoke are LESS likely to develop Breast Cancers, Cervical Cancers, and endometriosis.
Men who smoke are less likely to develop prostate cancer.
Most recently - Asbestos exposure reports, revealed as part of the Mesothilioma lawsuits here in the US, clearly indicate that, with the exact same exposure to asbestos, smokers are LESS likely to develop lung cancer than people who do not, or have never, smoked.
On the FLIP side… Truth dot com, a LARGE anti-smoking group, (Smoke-NAZI’s) has been cited for statements made in their TV commercials and on their website that in fact violate the ‘TRUTH IN ADVERTISING” laws in the US, more times than any other advertiser in the history of American TV.
This is one I really don’t want to get in the middle of, because it sounds like you’re really set in your opinion, Mezentius, and I don’t honestly think anything anyone says will change it. But I do feel a bit compelled to say something: after all, I am a cancer researcher. You say a lot of true things: smoking can reduce the risk of certain other cancers, but at the price of a significantly greater increase in risk of others. Smoking has been used by Amerindians for ages out of mind, but so was human sacrifice, and ritual mutilation. It can regulate the endocrine system, if it’s disregulated, but messing with your body’s regulatory machinery, particularly if there’s nothing wrong with it in the first place, will have repercussions. Truth dot com is a bit shady in their methods, but that doesn’t make smoking good for you — it just makes it not as bad as they say.
A brief search of the scientific literature turns up thousands upon thousands of studies, published in reputable, peer-reviewed journals, linking lung cancer and smoking. Here’s a couple (mostly reviews) that might be enlightening:
Lung tumors in 2 year old strain A/J mice exposed for 6 months to tobacco smoke.
Latest advances and research in lung cancer.
Smoking and cancer-related gene expression in bronchial epithelium and non-small-cell lung cancers.
Um, smoking doesn’t cause cancer directly, but it does make cancer easier, by lowering your body’s regulations on cell multiplication and stuff. And it doesn’t just result in lung cancer, either. My grandfather died of smoking-related bladder cancer.
Whereas I didn’t suffer from any physical effects from it, because of all of the acid I dropped when I was a little younger, I now have an anxiety disorder. I thought all the conservative, right-wing “Hurr hurr, LSD is bad for you, children!” was a load of shit… aaaand, to a certain extent, I was right… but it turns out it can really affect your seratonin reuptake, especially if you’re already susceptible to that sort of thing.
So, anyway. I would love to munch upon all kinds of delicious hallucinogenics, that make you SMARTER and MORE CONFIDENT! Because (oh Sweet Jesus), how I love to go on a trip!