Call of the wild
It’s definitely a modern problem, noisy clothing.
Except for ninjas, that is, they’ve been trying to keep theirs quiet for ages.
It’s almost become a faux-pas, to wear audible garments. That comfortable but swishing pair of cords you have could get you into serious trouble with the Forrestry Commision…
Shell Glover also pointed out that there’s etiquette when it comes to running marathons:
Avoid wearing really noisy clothing. Swish scritch swish scrich swish of a Gortex running suit can be maddening. My friend Barry’s running suit was so loud he thought there was someone chasing him.
Modern materials.
That said, I have yet to hear of anyone being expelled from the quietest of all places, the library, for wearing offensively loud pants… Which is odd considering how many things they prohibit you from doing. It turns out that libraries, far from being the liberal centre of every town, are in fact ‘The Man’.
I’ll leave you with a few choice cuts from the rulebook from one library in the US:
PATRONS SHALL NOT:
Use or be under the influence of alcohol or drugs. – (seriously, who wants to read whilst drunk?)
Have offensive personal hygiene in a library building – Patrons’ bodily hygiene, including strongly offensive body odor and the presence of bodily wastes on clothing and skin, shall not be objectionable so as to constitute a nuisance to other patrons or staff.
Bathe or wash clothing in library restrooms. – (makes the previous rule a little trickier to follow)
Sleep. – (what, ever?)
Posess weapons, except for lawfully possessed firearms. – (that gun’s legal? oh that’s fine then)
Stare at another person with the intent to annoy that person or follow another person with the intent to annoy that person. – (that was not my intent, I wanted them to love me)
Sing or talk loudly to others or in a monologue.
Oh my me. That is fucking hysterical. Makes getting up at 6am to go to a uni videolink with your stupid backwards and behind country a lot easier to bear.
Why couldn’t WE be the ones staying back late? I bet they’re drinking beer while we’re choking down vending machine coffee.
Just replace ‘Patrons’ with ‘Thou’ and you got the US in a handy little title
Harsh… or you could be the one drinking beer, at six of the AM… works for me.
Over here in the hermit kingdom they sell children’s shoes with squeaky things in the soles. That way, every time your child moves everyone in the immediate vicinity knows about it. Add a few more kids with squeaky shoes and the playground will start to sound like a poorly tuned brass band being strangled by a troupe of howler monkeys.
I’ve given these shoes as presents to children I like with parents I have some kind of grudge against. My niece has two pairs.
Ha. It’s a good way of herding the kids… even a blind person could do it.
Do they wear them to school? I think the teachers would have to have a very stable disposition not to go and lose it some day.
I love the idea of giving presents as personal attacks to friends and families… even better if you can make someone else happy with it too.
The shoes are mostly for young children, so we don’t get many of them at school. By the time a child turns 5 or 6 they’re suddenly capable of annoying themselves with the incessant squeaking.
A bunch of those library rules are clearly designed to keep homeless people out. I find that to be rude.
Yeah, you’d think that one of the only good, free things to do when you are homeless is go and read in the library…
I had a sliding scale, especially when we could heat our flat:
Fully broke – read in the library for warmth and entertainment.
Slightly broke – read in the local cafe, with a warm drink
Not broke – watch TV at home.
I was smarter when I was poorer.
I also like the arbitary nature of the hygeine rule. Who decides where the line is? You smell bad, but not bad enough to be thrown out. ‘Is that your own faeces on your shirt?’. Seriously, it is a little offensive and exclusive… but that’s what you get when you leave anti-social geeks in charge of a building full of books.
makes it sound like i went to the library specifically to rehearse a monologue for an upcoming dramatic performance.
I’d love heels that don’t go
clock-clock-clock when you walk.
this is true. i am yet to find a pair.
I love that sound.
I mean
You’re not going to win any stealth or ninja prizes
But nevertheless
I like it.
Maybe they were originally designed specifically for Steve Irwin, to help in his escapades of reptile wrestling madness.
Adam, I love you.
I got my book today.
I am still a thousand k away from it, but you made my day so much better.
It is waiting for me at mum’s house on a shelf in my old room.
When I am home in 3 weeks, I will read it then.
Thank you sooooo much!
yay!
The postal system works.
And that’s it Ben, you have the last one of the first edition of the FU book…
I only have one copy left that I’ll be keeping for my own ends.
I hope you like it, by the way… I know some of the stuff in it is pretty old now. You know, like the first few episodes of The Simpsons – It’s nearly right, but the voices are all over the place and the art isn’t quite on spec?
haha, yes it does.
Will I be greedy for ordering a copy from the new editions?
When will you have your shop up and running?
not at all… I’ve tried to keep to keep the overlap as small as possible (there are a few strips that appear in both).
hopefully, and I say this with the caveat of ‘all going well’ I’m hoping to launch the new book next Sunday.
That’ll be it’s birthday… seems like a good day for it to me.
That is not subtle at all.
Unless you are referring to mothers day.
I hope you are, other wise, I will have to do some thing nasty to Justine.
She is Lieing (deserves capitalisation) btw.
I am fairly sure that those rules are standard for alot of public/semi public places.
I have a photo I took of a license charter for a bar in a food court which states that patrons must consume alcohol.
every single one of those rules have been broken by the hoboes of my city.
Libraries are like hobo hotels i suppose.
In a public food court I worked in (both as a cleaner and builder), we had similar rules.
Homeless people and junkies regularly broke many of the rules.
It wouldn’t be so bad, except alot of these ppl are taking advantage of the easy access, rather then seeking the help that is freely and readily available to them from volunteer and government organisations.
I would some times feel like a prick kicking them out, but not when I had to clean up the filth they left behind. When they left needles, I was just angry.