Tastes like pain
I went to see The Happening the other day. It’s been getting really mixed reviews, but I thought it was OK, so long as you remember it’s a B-movie.
It mentions the bees too, mostly the fact that they are disappearing. It’s a global problem and no one really knows why… and it’s really not good news.
So, the mixture of watching a fictional disaster movie, combined with a quite possible start of a real one made me think. How would I cope should I find myself in some sort of apocalypse scenario… right now, probably not to well. I’m not Apocalypse ready.
There’s a ton of basic survival things that I don’t know – I’m certainly no Ray Mears, but I think it might be wise to get to grips with some of the basics. I’m not too great with weapons either, I haven’t had much call to practice – I’ve handled a shotgun on a few occasions (and it would be my weapon of choice in a zombie scenario), but that’s it for guns.
And physically I’m not too sharp either. If what I have seen in films is to be believed, there’s going to be a lot of running… I might know what to do, but am I going to be fit enough to do it?
That’s why this weekend I’m going to do a little fitness test and then I’m going to start training. The aim is to be Apocalypse Ready as soon as possible. That means everything, the skills and abilities as well as a level of physical fitness that should get me through most non-extinction event scenarios.
I’m not sure just yet what I am going to have to learn and do to achieve this state and feel free to make suggestions. First however, I need to work out what those situations will be.. missing bees and zombies…
In case of zombie attack the popular plan discussed by myself and people at the Dr. McNinja forum was to hole up in the local Walmart. Bring all the stragglers and barricade the entrances, then use all the supplies inside to start our own little society. And since this is America, Walmart has shotguns! TONS OF GUNS! Also it’s like RIGHT down the road.
Good call, traditional too…
We have a few suitable loactions here in the UK… none of them with guns, but a few with sports equipment that might come in handy. A five-iron being the swinging weapon of choice.
In all other cases… other than zombies, heading towards guns is probably not such a great idea. This applies to anyone carrying one too… from my filmic experience you should never trust the army, they’ll just mow you down.
So to the list I’ve added ‘Barricade’ – again in principle I know what to do, but in practice I have never had the need to barricade a door.
I know what is happening to the bees.
They are dieing on the tin roofs.
Seriously, you will seen loads of dead bees on tin roofs, esp. new ones.
I have my hypothesis*sic* on why this is, but I’m not confident in it.
Maybe local councils should start putting bee hives in backwater sections of their shire/district/region/locality/whatever.
My plan in a zombie event would be to make my why to an island ( assuming zombies don’t swim), or if I am land locked, get good at setting up tripwires and land mines around my camp site every day/night.
I’m in a good enough physical condition, tho I might have trouble with my contacts after a few months.
It’s true that there had been an increase in found dead bees, but it’s the ones that have ‘disappeared’ that is they have yet to find the dead… *mixes up thread and thinks of zombie bees*
I imagine that when you are apocalypse ready you should be able to do everything blindfolded, so maybe your contacts aren’t so much of a problem…
…Besides, raiding a pharmacy will possibly be necessary ar some point. When it all kicks off, the last thing you’re going to need is a headache.
*Added man/animal/zombie traps to list of things to learn*
Most Walmarts have optometrists in house now, too, so you should be able to find a good supply of all common contact types.
Hell, my Walmart has a walk-in health clinic. Diagnosis of zombie bites has never been easier!
Hmmm, I can guarentee that they don’t stock mine.
It takes that long to get mine made that my script can change enough to invalidate them before they arrive to me.
Tho I guess anything is better then nothing.
I was thinking about how I would go if I was suddenly 20,000yrs in the past.
A little different from the zombies, but still very similar in some challenges.
http://www.quizilla.com/tests/5250034
a link to a quick would you survive a zombie attack, the net is riddled with them. I’ve taken far too many and failed every time even though I can use a gun well, I would stop for family and that seems to be a deciding factor in my ability to survive, or lack of it. My co teachers have a plan to leave me with all the kids if it happens while we are at work as they plan to make for the hills unencumbered. As a society we spend a lot of time worrying about zombies when if the bees keep going the way of the frogs we won’t need to worry about the living dead, we will all starve to death, no bees, no pollen, no flowers, no plants, no herbivores, no carnivores, no humans except those eating pond sludge.
Anyone want to ask Dupont , Fonterra, or any other international pest control and fertilizer makers what they think might be poisoning the little bee?
Well then we really ought to figure out how to save or replace the bees. Screw oil, I’ll walk but I’m not eating pond sludge.
Hmm, pond sludge… I hear it tastes worse than death…
I love the fact that your co-workers have also created a plan. That sort of thinking keeps you alive (at least until the sequel). You could use the kids as a mobile barrier – just surround yourself – I know it sounds mean, but children seem to have a better chance of survival than adults…
The no bees, no pollen problem is the real crux of the issue. It seems surreal that the companies determined to help farmers get a greater yield from their crops may be the cause of them getting none at all.
There are other pollinating insects besides bees… they are pretty damned important, but maybe not absolutely totally vital.
this fitness test you speak of, is it a wii fitness test?
i should go outside
But what do you do if the apocalypse comes in the form of a bacterial mutation, I Am Legend-style?
I really wanted to adopt some bees about a year ago; there was a pest-control person who had been assigned to get some bees away from someone’s house, but the pest-control man didn’t want to kill them, so he was going to give them away to a good home. Unfortunately, my family wasn’t as taken with the idea as I was.
My survival plan: as soon as my hand gets chopped/bitten off, replace it with a chainsaw, wield a shot-gun with teh other hand, and be totally bad ass. Yup.
/Boomstick/
But you’ll also need the Necronomicon to travel back in time and defeat the evil in the distant past!
Clatto Verata N… Necktie… Nickel… It’s an “N” word, it’s definitely an “N” word!
I like Doctor Who’s idea for why bees are dissapearing. They’re aliens, and it’s the end of the universe, so they’re all going home before it’s too late.
That’s obviously the most likely explanation.
Turns out we know where the bees were… they were in transit… and now they’re not.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7482609.stm
“You certainly don’t want to go walking through a field of disoriented, agitated and wet honey bees,”
Whenever my boyfriend and I watch a movie, he always has an answer for everything. If a bad guy runs after you, it’s always, “shoot him in the kneecap!!” He gets especially agitated when the good guy has a chance to completely demolish the bad guy, but doesn’t. Like, good guy shoots once, bad guy falls, good guy runs away crying. “SHOOT HIM AGAIN AND KILL HIM!!” I have to remind him that we’re watching a movie, and if the good guy gets ahead NOW, well… what a boring movie.
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