Innocent stalker
You know you’ve made it when you get your first stalker… indeed, at some point in the future, just before the celebrity tax is introduced, having a stalker is a mandatory requirement for appearing on the television.
So, I thought I would help out, a bit of charity work, and start a low-level stalking campaign on a celebrity – I won’t be turning up at their house or sending them disturbing letters, but if anyone asks them if they have a stalker they will be able to reply, ‘yes I do’.
The trouble is, with so many poor, stalkerless celebrities out there, who do I choose?
I was tempted to go for Sean Bean (especially after the ‘Athens’ fiasco), but apparently he already has one, if not more.
Ideally, someone with at least small amount of talent, possibly unrecognised…
I had a stalker for quite a while, without being a celebrity. If I’ve got to be stalked anyway, I’d have preferred to be a rich and famous stalkee.
Anyone in particular? I’ve heard Tom Cruise is available at the moment, for stalking duties.
Just someone with money would have been nice. I am so tired of explaining to people, “No, you don’t understand. I’m not just ‘low on funds till my next paycheck.’ Imagine taking all the money in the world and throwing it away. That’s how much I have. Okay?”
That’s a terrible state of affairs…
I’m being flippant here, mostly because that’s what I do when things get bad, but have you thought of sponsoring your move by robbing banks en route? I hear they have plent of money so I’m sure they won’t mind.
Seriously though, if I can think of a way to help you I will be on it in an instant.
“I hear they have plenty of money so I’m sure they won’t mind.”
the man gives good advice…he’s right about the first bit, at least.
adam…youre creepy. in the nicest way possible. usually i might admit to having a small amount of talent and being unrecognised, but not today!
also, comments already! pretty sure ive been checking this page about every half hour for a while now in the hope that there is something new to distract me from this essay thats due in…8 hours now.
I know… you’re not the first person to say that, and well, at least you’re not a judge…
What’s your essay on?
thanks for replying before i stabbed myself.
its for english lit. did you see the xkcd about literary criticism? yeah. its all crap (at least mine is). ive had this for about…just over 3 weeks now, its due tomorrow morning and i started on friday night. the minimum is 1500 words and this weekend i have written exactly 1429. i just cannot squeeze in another 71 words anywhere! and its 2am
I did indeed see that… Back when I was reviewing I used to refer to ‘texture’… I don’t even know what that means in the context of literature, but it always seemed like a good one to include.
I suppose a lot depends upon the material in question…
I’ll be here for a little while if you feel the need for discussion.
good news, i just got 29 more words in! no more discussion now though, i want to get this done before 2:30. youre really good at being distracting, though, it’s a talent.
I can’t argue with that, I drive myself to distraction on a regular basis, as well as anyone else that happens by.
*ponders if Justine managed to get the word ‘fulcrum’ into her essay*
Oh, I hope she did. ‘Fulcrum’ is such a great word
“Back when I was reviewing I used to refer to ‘texture’… I don’t even know what that means in the context of literature, but it always seemed like a good one to include.”
I’m trying to get my toe in the door of music journalism and there’s essentially no way to write an album review without sound at best pretentious and at worst like a cliched idiot. In other words, I might be “borrowing” that texture bit.
such-and-sutch acts as a fulcrum that allows the characters to… uh, verb
Tell me you’ve used ‘juxtaposition’! No lit. essay is complete without it. Use it as you would a comma.
Adam, I thought you were stalking me! I was certainly stalking you.
It’s not really stalking if the target likes it…
I think they call that dating.
stalking comes from the heart. you shouldn’t fake it.
but if they get a restraining order, take your heart and go home.
Gosh, you give up easy.
If they get a restraining order, learn to be more subtle.
Stop posting your pubic hairs and maybe send flowers.
if they do something
as silly as a restraining order,
they are undeserving…
I thought it meant they were playing hard to get?
THis is great! I’m going to add you to my links.
Thanks for stopping by my site.