Firewood
Generally, I’m against burning books… but if it comes down to the choice between freezing to death or setting fire to a Grisham novel, I’m pretty sure The Broker would be keeping my toasty.
There’s a scene in The Day After Tomorrow (which is Tuesday by my reckoning), where they are trapped inside a library and have to burn books to survive…
At one point, one of the characters makes a case against burning the Guttenberg Bible he has hold of, and rightly so. I may be a humanist, and therefore not care too much about the contents, but as a herald of the printing age that book is unsurpassed…
So let’s imagine, you’ve already worked your way through the majority of the library and you’re left with just the following books… which order would you burn them in?
- The Guttenberg Bible
- Newton’s Principia
- The complete Oxford English Dictionary
- Stephen King’s The Stand
- Darwin’s On the Origin of Species
- The complete and unabridged works of William Shakespeare
I’d likely burn them all, without regard.
After all, they are just objects at the end of the day.
There would be numerous duplicates available on a variety of mediums, so it wouldn’t be like there was an information loss, just sentimental loss.
there’s the boredom, remember, you’re locked in an empty library.
Newton, Darwin, and Shakespeare would be hard to let go of. i like Stephen King, but there’s a deep christian theme in his work and whenever that happens it feels like some kind of propaganda to me.
Because I’m apparently trapped in this library with nothing to occupy my mind, I’d burn the Bible first as I have no interest in reading it, then probably the Dictionary as it has little entertainment value (though I’m sure after I’d burned it I’d probably forget some word and kick myself), then Principia as I would become bored with it very quickly, Darwin next I suppose, then the Stand and leaving Shakespeare for last as I’m sure that would entertain me indefinitely.
Of course, you are welcome to disect the books… that is get rid of certain parts of each…
I’m not entirely sure how useful a dictionary containing c through to f would be, but I am sure you could probably lose a couple of Shakespeare plays…
suposing i was in that library. I would start with the self help section. then i would go for the sci-fi section. not sure where to go next. but mostly, I would level the classics untouched until last, and try to at least save one copy of each until the very end.
I like your method.
I’d get a pile of art books too—with the thick paper. Dictionaries and bibles tend to be made from thin paper.
there’s something very right about helping yourself to the self-help section…
*wonders if there is a self-help book entitled ‘how to keep yourself warm’*
Loved this one! I’d have trouble burning books, but I think the fiction would have to go before all else. I’m a reference book man myself, so I think it would kill me to burn the Dictionary.
i’m with you on that… I mean, the dictionary would have to be in the last two. I would have to assume that if a situation is so bad that I’m having to burn books, it most be a pretty global situation too…
Although I might use the opportunity to ‘remove’ a few words from the English language that I’ve never really liked… ‘phlegm’ and ‘pump’ would be amongst the first to go.
If I was convinced they were the last copies on earth, I’d burn the dictionary, origins and the stand indiscriminately, then freeze to death.
The most well-read icicle on the planet, eh?
If I’m in the same room with the last surviving copies of major historic works of humankind… probably best if they survive me, as it’s possible there is someone left to enjoy them after I’ve gone, whereas if I burn them, no one will ever see them again. Certainly at most I would survive another 80 years after burning them, whereas they could theoretically last hundreds (or thousands if it stays cold) of years.
Taking one for the team… that deserves a monument in the post-apocalyptic world.
Scribble in the margin of The Tempest: “This isn’t even that great… why am I freezing for this?”
…why am I freezing for this when I can rent Forbidden Planet from Blockbusters…
Actually, I bet you can’t… they don’t stock that sort of thing, you know, old films…
Changed to:
…why am I freezing for this when I can’t even rent Forbidden Planet from Blockbusters.
I don’t think DVDs burn so well, and the smell is terrible.
I’m very tempted to say Shakespeare first, if only because I hated it in school.
That, and there’s probably significantly more of it.
I would be much more inclined to keep the reference books- that is, Newton, Darwin and the Dictionary, as they would be most useful (particuarily Newton) if I’m going to be stuck in a post-apocalypse.
Preparing for that situation, The Joy Of Sex, therefore, would also have to be saved.
/b
I really don’t think the post-apocalyptic world will have much call for reference materials. If the book were “How to Rebuild Civilization from Scratch” then I could see saving it but I don’t think a Dictionary’s going to be much good at all.
>f the book were “How to Rebuild Civilization from Scratch”
Which is why we keep The Joy Of Sex.
/b
Are these all original copies? My first thought was to burn the bible last because there are only so many Gutenberg Bibles but if they are all original copies then the order changes.
Assuming them all to be originals or just disregarding their physical value I start with the dictionary it is not very interesting. Then I would burn the bible because for the same reason. After that I would move on to The Stand because I do not care for Stephen King. After that I would reluctantly burn On the Origin of Species then the Principia leaving Shakespeare for last because it would keep me entertained the longest.
1. The Guttenberg Bible
2. Newton’s Principia
3. The complete Oxford English Dictionary
4. Stephen King’s The Stand
5. Darwin’s On the Origin of Species
6. The complete and unabridged works of William Shakespeare
I’d assume original, but that would have to be the call you made… as I say, if the situation were bad enough to require book burning, it would have to be a very poor state of affairs…
Am I the only one here that would read the dictionary for pleasure?
I sometimes read the Dictionary for fun but it gets boring really quick. Usually the first thing I do is look up words I don’t think will be in there, but there are only a few of those. There’s no narrative, it’s just words. Words in alphabetical order are only interesting for so long.
I’ve done that with the sign language dictionaries at school, a friend of mine insisted on teaching all the worst ones to anybody she could find.
I would start with The Stand because I don’t care, also it’s big and would last a while. Second would be Shakespeare, because I’m not particularly fond of Shakespeare, he’s very overrated, also that would be a lot to burn too. then dictionary, bible, Darwin, then end with Newton.
I have heard certain book-sellers refer to King’s books as ‘firebricks’.
The bible, the dictionary, principia, origin of species, the stand and finally Shakespeare. I agree with several other commentors that boredom would be the overriding factor for me. The bible and the dictionary just aren’t reading material for me while the Stand and Shakespeare are.
this might be controversial, but as far as boredom goes, you could do far worse than read the old testament… it’s like a bloodbath wrapped up in a disaster movie all of its own.
Not to mention Solomon’s Song of Songs… probably better than any Danielle Steele work.
i’d def burn stephen king. his books are too long anyway
he needs an editor. one book could probably reforest
an acre of amazon, or supply the world with supernatural
power for centuries. the stand would be first to go.
“i’d def burn stephen king”
What about his books?
laffs. you got me.
you’re going in the fire next, adam.
i went to school with the idiots that stole (but didnt get away for long) Charlies first edition Origin of Species. see link below for the news story.
http://msn-list.te.verweg.com/2005-February/003189.html
Stephen king first, dictionary last. though i did just see a Gutenberg bible on my recent visit to new york and it was pretty amazing.
Wow, real-life idiots. I don’t know anyone personally that has done something so offensive with such lack of skill.
I can almost understand stealing these books to read and to hold… but to sell?
I can’t believe they thought they’d get away with it… fantastic.
I think the copy in question is the one that featured in TDAT, that was in New York…
i know right? no logic. what would darwin say to that.
Try knowing someone who tried to set a classroom alight wih Diesel.
/b
I reckon in that situation, you use Twilight for kindling and then burn shelves and wallpaper. While reading The Stand. Because no apocalypse will ever be complete without the calming influence of Glen Bateman telling you humanity sucked anyway.