Turn to rust
I’m thinking about getting a robot sidekick. Apart from being an entertaining affectation, I figure having a pair of mechanically operated hands to help out around the place can’t be a bad idea.
The problem is, I’m a bit strapped for cash… so I’m going to have to buy second hand. Looking through the classifieds I found the following:
1. R2D2
Pros: Compatible with my x-wing, good for sending messages that start with the phrase ‘Help me Obi Wan…’
Cons: Slight sand damage, already imprinted on Carrie Fisher.
2. Twiki
Pros: Comes with detachable doctor extension, able to comfortably navigate stairs.
Cons: Bidi-bidi-bidi…
3. K-9
Pros: Capable of walking itself, has the Doctor’s phone number, obedient.
Cons: Way too many to list. I mean, you go to all the trouble of designing and building an intelligent, multi-functional machine… and you give it the body of a dog?
4. The Terminator (the good one)
Pros: Can be rented out as a Governor Schwarzenegger look-a-like, tough as old boots.
Cons: Refuses to help with domestic chores, preferring instead to ‘kill something’. Unlike the previous candidates, you do not want to be anywhere near this one when it malfunctions.
5. Kryten
Pros: Domesticated, speaks a lot of languages, multiple ‘attachments’
Cons: Canadian accent, buyer must collect.
I’m not sure, I mean it’s a big decision and these just don’t seem like a good fit for me… maybe I should just wait for Robby to appear on the market again.
Ben on 
Ty on
go with r2d2. the technology is
dated, however. be sure it can
vibrate without squeaking.
p.s. i like carrie fisher.
she’s bipolar, yet strives to
live a normal life.
unlike others who think
(normal isn’t normal).
Apparently, she can still recite the whole ‘help me Obi Wan’ scene from memory.
I’ve heard R2 units go through batteries at a frightening rate…
I’ve gotta vote for K-9. I couldn’t pass up the chance that the Doctor might need him someday and show up and take me on a wacky adventure.
I dunno, I have ‘expendable extra’ written all over me…
FOR GOD SAKES MAN, TAKE OFF THAT RED SHIRT!
Nooo! Not the dreaded red shirts!!
Definitely Kryten. Unlike the T-800 (I assume you have the model with realistic skin as he’s a Schwarzenegger lookalike), he probably won’t kill you, he’ll clean up after you, and he’s rather wacky I must say.
I’ve just hear that Kryten has been taken off the market… apparently they are making another ‘documentary’ aboard the Red Dwarf…
http://io9.com/5044050/what-is-going-on-with-the-red-dwarf-comeback
I really hope they come back and do actual new shows. It’s so funny how British shows can go off the air for years and then just come back and it’s normal. That’s not even close to how American tv works.
I think it’s because we create slow burners… programmes that aren’t massive to begin with but grow steadily over the years.
Plus it takes years of nagging to get the actors and writers all back together – the rift between Craig Charles and Chris Barry being almost as great as between the characters.
The other thing is that Mr Charles has been a little ‘off the rails’ recently too, being caught by the tabloids in a rather surreal and quite disturbing situation:
Craig Charles in ‘An Odd Night’
I have a feeling that they might miss a trick here and produce something a little closer to a series of ‘Flashback Episodes’, which will be a shame. I watched the episode ‘Quarantine’ the night before last, it happens to be my favourite one, and I realised just how important this programme was in forming my adolescent sense of humour… that an Black Adder…
I’m putting my vote behind the Terminator. For better or worse, I think that pairing would bring about the most adventure.
I’m planning on purchasing a Roboraptor and Robosapien for myself for Christmas so that I can modify them. I’m going to mod the raptor to spit fire but I haven’t decided what to do with the sapien yet.
Are you not tempted to create a sapien-raptor hybrid, with flamethrower?
“I think that pairing would bring about the most adventure.” – it sounds like a great sitcom, ‘Adam and the Terminator’… I see it like ‘The Odd Couple’.
I’d rather have too independent units so they can battle each other. I’d also like to make the sapien my servant somehow.
Yes that’s all well and good, but who would be your first choice for annoying hologram?
Assuming I could have any dead person… maybe Einstein, I think he’d be a good sidekick… especially for comic relief. Failing that obviously a hologram Vonnegut would be good.
“Assuming I could have any dead person….”
If only I had a dollar for every time I began a sentence that way. On a Friday night. In a graveyard.
Like frankenstein, I bet you’re in to ‘pick and mix’…
Well, it really is hard to find the right person.
Hey, Adam. Check this out:
http://wcrca.frumph.net/
Look under Author Congeniality.
A well deserved nomination. Adam’s the best!
Yay Adam, the future Mr. Congeniality!
Wow, that’s really cool!
I feel like Sandra Bullock in that film… Speed.
Seriously, thanks, it’s the first time I’ve been nominated for an award (that I haven’t nominated myself for anyway).
I can’t think of a category I’d rather be in.
If some of your other fans will go there and nominate you, it’ll help. I think the judges take number of nominations into consideration. I’m not sure though.
There are loads more robot companions to choose from. Let’s see…
Giant Robo. Pros: He’s a giant freakin’ robot. Cons: He can’t walk to the store without destroying half the neighborhood.
R. Daneel Olivaw. Pros: He’s R. Daneel Olivaw. Cons: Expect to be manipulated every day for the rest of your life by a robot ten times smarter than you, but hey it’s for your own good.
Bender. Pros: Perfect drinking buddy. Cons: Keep a close eye on your wallet.
Haro. Pros: Like R2-D2, but if he makes you upset you can throw him against a wall. Also, should you ever visit Japan, you’ll be the most popular guy in Akihabara. Cons: You might get one of the killer Haros.
Olivaw – I’d be lucky to be his sidekick… (always though Baley should have been his sidekick)
Giant Robo – if it’s not my robot destroying the neighbourhood, it’ll just be someone else’s. Finger missiles all the way.
Haro – At the risk of a lynching, I don’t know much about Haro, or Gundam *goes to look on the wiki*. best pun of the day so far – haromatherapy.
I think Giant Robo wins that round, I can’t think of a situation where a massive machine capable of brutal destructive force won’t come in handy.
I know Star Wars can’t dominate the list too much, but what about C3P0, he’s good with languages and gold plated.
But since that isn’t so likely you can pick yourself up a Roomba since vacuuming blows.
My friend has a Roomba named Vacuumus Prime. Its practically the family pet.
“Vacuumus Prime”
hahaha, genius.
Roomba sounds like a monkey name,
although I think, for this contests sake,
a vacuuming monket would certainly
win a prime prize, or should…
Where does one find this magical creature?!
I HATE hoovering. hateithateithateit. Can’t stand the noise. but a machine that does it on it’s own….*enter dream sequence of Maddie skipping through a field of daisies as the roomba rumbles along, mowing them down violently*
awesome.
I’ve actually heard of Roombas. There’s one in a short storyline in Questionable Content, if I remember correctly…
Is Kryten having a Canadian accent somekind of obscure Red Dwarf in-joke? Because neither he nor the actor who plays him has one as far as I can remember?
Stealing from wikipedia:
Robert Llewellyn writes in his book The Man in the Rubber Mask that before settling on a Canadian accent, he, Rob Grant and Doug Naylor considered Swedish and American. Llewellyn discovered the Canadian accent while spending time in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada; which he describes as being a cross between Scottish and American.
hmm he does a pretty poor job then – he sounds nothing like the canadians i’ve met!
I agree, I only knew that it was a Canadian accent because I read it somewhere… I certainly wouldn’t have identified it from sound alone.
maybe it’s the Canadian accent of the period… a few million years hence.
I’d pick that security robot that was modified by ford prefect in one of the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy books, i think his name was Colin
pros: happy ALL THE TIME
cons: happy ALL THE TIME
I’d end up electro-strangling him… I’m not that great with full-on cheery… more of a Marvin type.
the good news is that he’d happily do it for you
**Spoilers for the movie Iron Giant***
Oh! What about Iron Giant!
Pros: Huge, friendly, loves comics
Cons: Huge, turns into an alien weapon of destruction if provoked
Plus, will play an electro-beep version of the Black Sabbath song, Iron Man.
Certainly a contender, but as I remember it, one not destined for a happy ending.
I want to parody the song Iron Man, but make it about eating breakfast!
“Heavy fruit of ruby red
fills our stomachs now we’re fed.
Four pancakes to a man,
Cook ‘em in a cast Iron Pan!”
Yeah? Yeeeeeeah.
Yeah!
that’s fantastic
Hrm. The robosapien can fling its robo-poo (batteries) !
Robby might be all sold out, but I hear you can still get an old Robot B9!
Dude, Kryten’s voice is fantastic.
So, I’ve tried to sort out your email notification thing again… I think I’m going to have to accept defeat… you are registered on the lists for the posts you subscribe to, and my server is sending out the messages… so, somewhere between leaving here and reaching you, something is going astray.
I checked the email address and that seems fine (no spelling errors… what we call around these parts a ‘Ben’
, so I’m assuming that perhaps your email client has decided that they are spam. If you have any way of checking that you might be able to sort it out.
I’ll keep looking though – and if anyone else has problems of this nature, just let me know.
“what we call around these parts a ‘Ben’”
haha. Awesome.
Nope, if it thought they were spam they’d be going into my junk mail, and they’re not doing that.
stoopid internets.