Asterisk the gall
Censorship can occur in many different forms. It can be a line of text removed, a word obscured or a book not stocked.
It happens a surprising amount – In countries with laws protecting free expression and even online in supposedly liberal sites such as Wikipedia – but the one constant thing about censorship is that it almost always looks unnecessary in hindsight.
The Campaign Against Censorship (Formerly the Defence of Literature and The Arts Society) movement have some very interesting things to say about it. I suggest you have a look at what they are up to.
There is more you can do though. Censorship doesn’t move quickly, but we do. I want you to invent some new curse/swear words… technically, they should have no specific meaning, that way it will make them very difficult to restrict. Suffice to say that we recognise them all as particularly strong words.
I like to use existing words to replace offensive ones. I’m usually okay with the big bad words (such as the F-Bomb), but rather than offend my religious pals, I say “gourd” for “God,” “lowered” for “Lord,” “Cheez-Its* Cure-Iced” for “Jesus Christ,” and “for pizza’s sake” instead of “for Pete’s sake.”
*”Cheez-its” is a brand of snack cracker (or cheesy biscuit) in the US, to those of you not from there.
(I just realized the last two comments I’ve left on your comics have been about not offending religious people. How odd that I am so much more careful of their feelings than they tend to be about mine. I am, of course, generalizing.)
A decent number of Americans tend to say “lawd” and “gawd” for “lord” and “god.”
I frequently say “freud” and “frappucino” for Phuck.
i once heard someone say, “i dont give a horse’s patoot.”
Who’s this guy Pete that we always say for Pete’s sake and how is it that his name got converted into a curse word?
a google turned up something about “minced oaths.”
Minced oaths are a sub-group of euphemisms used to avoid swearing when expressing surprise or annoyance. If you hit your thumb with a hammer when great aunt Edith is in the room what do you say? It’s probably going to be a minced oath. Shakespeare might have resorted to ‘gadzooks’ (God’s hooks – referring to the nails in the cross), we might try ’shoot’ or ‘freaking heck’.
Begorrah –> By God
Bejabbers –> By Jesus
Bleeding heck –> Bloody Hell
Blimey –> Blind me
Blinking heck –> Bloody Hell
By George –> By God
By golly –> By God’s body
By gosh –> By God
By gum –> By God
By Jove –> By God
For crying out loud –> For Christ’s sake
For Pete’s sake –> For St. Peter’s sake
For the love of Mike –> For St. Michael’s sake
Source: here.
Mmmm, Minced Oaths.
GolfWidow – You should stop worrying about offending people. If you didn’t say anything that would offend at least one person, you’d never speak and that would be a great loss to to the world.
Pugs – I always thought that ‘lawd’ etc. were just accents. I checked up on this and apparently they are considered different words. How odd is that?
I’ve lived in teh American South… and I always thought it was the accent too. Wierd.
I can’t think of any new swears, but I think we can all agree that censorship doesn’t w**k.
/b
Ha, and it doesn’t. If anything, censorship just points people to where the interesting content is.
Personally, I’m most worried about the censorship of books. A growing trend in the US. The idea that a public library can withdraw certain books because of content, despite a demand for that book, smacks of an authoritarian rather than liberal approach.
There is also some talk about giving books with violent or even ‘adult political’ content age ratings… this would place books like Slaughterhouse Five out of reach of young teenagers.
I figure that if you are mature enough to want to read a book, and find it interesting enough to persevere with it, then why shouldn’t you be allowed to read it?
The age ratings thing on books, certainly in the UK, is surrounded by misconception- the idea behind the standardised age ratings on books is for who might be interested in the books, that the book is aimed at, say, 13-year-olds, rather than a film-like censorship, keeping the item out of the hands of anyone under 13.
The problem here, of course, is that if a 14-year-old is not as strong a reader as the book industry expects, they might not choose to pick up a 13 book for fear of ridicule, and then never ‘catch up’ to their peers as a result- which is probably a much more dangerous proposition for books as a medium than the (outdated, unworkable and obsolete) classifcation systems in place for films and games.
/b
I curse profusely sometimes but am fairly good at recognizing when it isn’t appropriate. I usually replace the curse words with things like “gosh darn” and “friggin’” but once- when I had not had enough sleep to think clearly- I exclaimed in disgust “farfignewgen!”
I should note that the spelling of that word came from a friend who was present and bemused asking me how I’d spell the word I had just tossed out. I realize it isn’t the spelling of the German word that means “love of driving” or something along those lines. I didn’t know the German word at the time I used it. Just happened to put sounds together and come up with its homonym.
My sister told me about one of her friends that was in labor recently.
Apparently this friend didn’t swear, so she used other words.
unfortunately, screaming “GOLLY GOSH” while squeezing out a baby only makes the midwives fall over laughing.
Haha. I don’t think I’d be able to restrain from cursing during labor. I’d actually be using every curse word I had ever heard in my life. Loudly.
Oh man, someone should shoot that as a comedy sketch… I mean I’d be on the floor with that sort of language.
“farfignewgen”
I spent two weeks in Wales just now… and that looks decidedly Welsh, don’t it?
Haha. Well, I think my aim was phonetic but if I hit Welsh accidentally, that’s fine, too
Bragging about your global exploits, Roo?
One could say that censorship is central.
I despise censorship but then I’ve been cursing like an Ice Road Trucker since I was four or five (didn’t pick it up from anyone, either, must be a remnant of a past life). I recently adopted “MARTHA’S BUCKET!” because the neighbors were getting a poor opinion of me through my original choice of words.
Foreign languages are always good, too. Pity I don’t know many.
I can personally vouch for spanish as a great language to swear in.
Just be sure to pick one form, or the other.
Don’t go to Spain and learn to swear and then try out your new skills in South America, some subtle differences.
Our car makers are twats at times. We have a 4WD named Pajero, which in Latin-Spanish is pronounced paharo, which means “wanker”.
Loads of endless amusement for the locals, “you drive a what now?”
Saying pretty much anything in German always sounds like you are pissed off and cursing. I always feel mildly assaulted if somebody justs say hello to me in German
It is a rather aggressive language.
“Hallo”?
GUTENTAG!
Hey, you’ve got a point.
I’m minoring in Spanish at university and I totally agree – it’s just so passionate! My skills are not at the point yet where I can understand every little thing in a telenovela, but there is something exhilarating about letting that crazy emotional language just wash over you.
How do they market the Pajero? “You’ll go blind driving that!”
Italian is like that too, my aunt only wanted to know where to hang her laundry and my uncle’s family freaked out thinking she wanted to hang herself.
“I’ve been cursing like an Ice Road Trucker”
I must say, brilliant pop culture reference you’ve just slipped in there
I always know the show is on by the incessant bleeping filling the house.
when i was little i didn’t really know any curse words, but i can remember thinking that they usually began with letters from the nether end of the alphabet. so in a fit of anger i called my dad a ‘zadder-zadder’
Zadder-Zadder! That is indeed the swear of the future. They’ll be using that by 3042 as a replacement for all other and inferior curses.
beblerspatz!
How about:
-Fugley
-Toraynus
-phuckballicky
-PipelickenAmus
-sowonnadik
Are these going to be censored, Adam?
I second the motion for Fugley. I use that one often.
Crathole.
This was a swear word invented by Dave Gorman on the Radio4 show ‘Genius’, though they hadn’t decided on a definition.
It’s true, German is great for swearing in, Scheisser has so much more gravitas than our version. Fucking hell is hard to beat though.
and there it is! ive been waiting this whole time for someone to actually swear, i was amazed how long it took. unless ive missed someone.
Great! I don’t suppose I’m the first person to say ‘fuck’ in the entire archive am I? That would surely be too much to hope for. I don’t suppose Adam keeps a record of that kind of thing…
No, but you are the first person not to be censored for it though.
I decided, after finding out that my site is classified as ‘adult’ anyway to let these things go.
It’s been a relief since I always felt at odds with having to add the little stars (litteral translation of the word asterisk).
I read the comic as “Censorship is central” at first, and had to re-read in order for it to make more sense (well, it made sense, just not with the tiny writing and not in the context of the general opinions of this comic).
Zygeist!
It just sounds nicely vicious.
Although also a bit German-ish.
well, this first one has a meaning, but during this latest US presidential election my roommates and I started using “Sarah Palin” as a replacement for the f-word.
also on the subject of my very favorite curse word: my friends and I often yell out “EFF!” in the most redneck accent we can manage (we are Kentuckians, after all, ha ha) and usually succeed in adding about three extra syllables for emphasis. what if we just starting yelling random letters in frustration in our favorite stereotyped accent? “DUH-BULL-YEWWWWWWW”
Haha. I grew up in the South and while I don’t have an accent, it did take me until the age of sixteen to be able to say bell with the correct number of syllables (I was hitting around four before that).
this is totally irrelevant, but: guess who finished their final exams yesterday? yeah, thats right…i am done with school forever. ah, maddie, wait until you feel this feeling. i mean i was never against school, it was pretty good while it lasted, but this is pretty mega sweet. just thought i would share a personal achievement. oh, and because we’ve started being allowed to swear and i am currently really excited…fuck yeah!!
sorry ben (he doesnt like when i curse!)
Fuck Justine, why you gotta swear hey?
Well done on finishing, I never done.
I’m feelly somewhat more cynical today, so I won’t point out the gaping holes in your logic.
congratulations!
Hey congratulations!
Finishing exams is the second best thing in the world… knowing you’ll never have to do them again, being the first.
You probably will have to do some more exams though…
My mom often succeeded at censoring herself just in time, so what would have been “Fuck!” came out “Fuh…cryin’ out loud!”
I recently posted my thoughts about my four-year-old daughter’s use of “Oh shit!”
I love curse words (called ’swears’ where I come from). They are a colorful, valid addition to English and Spanish in my experience. My Russian friend says they function even more flexibly and powerfully in her language. The older I get, the more I appreciate them. They are powerful words, but, for me, not so much in their offensiveness as in their ability to convey such a wide range of emotions and circumstances.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26UA578yQ5g&feature=related
i don’t know where this audio came from, but it’s been used in a few videos i’ve seen.
It’s an old George Carlin, if I’m not mistaken. God rest his soul.
Hi. Thanks for your email. Very much appreciated. I am of available on the dates mentioned and I will bring my bucket (red or blue?). i also have a number of spades and – oh fuck. Wrong forum…
Hey Sean!
Buckets, spades? Are you burying a corpse or building sandcastles?
Corpsecastles!
On the one hand censorship is a good methode to hide secrets from people, but on the other hand it’s that why people often build their own myth, and so there will be chaos…. and nobody will ever know, what’s really true… so even if somebody tells us the truth, we won’t accept this version, because we have heard too many other versions before, so we can’t believe it anyhow. And so I guess it’s done with all the facts about area 51, ufo, etc etc…
Girls don’t like the word Cunt, i would not refer to a girl as one because of this reason, so i guess its self censoring, but i really think its a fun word. So maybe if i were to make a new swear word, it would have to be simple and fun. Keep it to the 4 letter words…. you dirty TLAP, you’re such a GASH… hmmm nope i think i’ll stick to the basics.
It’s not just girls that find that word offensive… I think it is without doubt one of the must loaded words in the English language, and even for someone like me, who has no real reaction to most swear words, it still has the power to shock and provoke reaction. I think the reason being that it is such a derogatory insult. Obviously movements have been made to reclaim the word, and it exceptional circumstances it can even be used for comedic effect (Curb Your Enthusiasm, ‘dear beloved…’).
Still, it’s not a word I use. Unless I had to work for Ordnance Survey (that’s right, there is a street that was once named that… it’s been renamed since, but on old maps…)
Four letters does seem to be the magic number though, or four syllables.
And the British seem to use cunt a lot more than Americans too… over here it really is the last standing curse word with power.
Which reminds me, this week I accidentally let a “damn” slip out while teaching art to two children ages ten and six, in front of their grandmother and father. The older girl giggled (just a little), and no one else seemed to notice at all.
Cunt is a great word.
I often call my mates cuntish when they are annoying me, “stop being so cuntish”.
Ofcourse, you can’t say cunt in many places, even places where fuck is acceptable.
Yesterday while out driving, I was sitting in the backseat with my mate and his GF in the front.
I am a great backseat driver.
We were very very lost in a suburb, with out a map, or any clue where we were.
My mate hadn’t had a smoke for a few hours and ws coming to the end of his tether, but like the good mate I am, I kept pushing buttons. I waited till the perfect moment and said something terrible.
He exploded in a string of words that contained no vowels at all and then started giggling/mumbling to himself.
I had a dream about this comic the other night.
I was in prison for having killed some one (I think, dream was vague about this). I didn’t feel particularly guilty.
Anyhoo, I was to be executed for my crimes. There was no chance of avoiding it and less chance of escape.
Every cell had a hanging closet where the executions happened.
I was walking back to mine to face the noose. I was un-escorted, so I had to meet the guards there on time.
When I got there, some git had hung himself, so the guards just let me go again and said that I wouldn’t need hanging any more.
So, off I went, logged on and came here.
I wrote a post in this thread, it started:
“Well talk about inventing new swear words. I was meant to be executed today….”
Don’t remember the rest, I escaped the prison at this point.
Dreams are weird.
S
Did anyone else think that Adam’s hand-drawn asterisks looked just like Kurt Vonnegut’s drawing of an ass-hole from Breakfast of Champions? No? Well, the do!
I think a new curse word should have and umlaut. Or maybe it should BE “umlaut”… not quite four letters, but it’s got that german-sounding punch to it, doesn’t it?
I learnt a new one last night at the christmas party for work
“cow punching dry gulcher”
It seems like a bloody ripper of an insult. Would love to find an excuse to genuinely use it at least once in my life.
Probably could have found an excuse today, was 42deg celius in the shade, 52 in the light and 56 on any metal or machine. Spent about 2hrs of that shovelling cement into sand bags as well.
“42deg celius in the shade, 52 in the light”
Wowzer, that’s hot. Lethally so.
*Checks ambient air temperature*
It’s about 4 degees here at the moment, and two of those are due to the radiator.