Hockney rhyming slang
Cockney rhyming slang provides an endless fascination for me. Despite being very much a Northener I have incorporated large chunks into my every day language.
Hank Marvin, brown bread, butcher’s hook, berk… Actually, berk is my favourite. You hear it used a lot on television as an inoffensive curse word – he’s a right berk – but the origins of this word are often mis-understood. Indeed, few recognise that it is rhyming slang at all, let alone what it refers to. I’ve heard it used on childrens’ television.
Whilst I’m on the subject, I should mention that I am a little dismayed that the slang is frequently used improperly of late. Americans especially, take note. The trick to using rhyming slang is that you don’t say the rhyming word… So, it’s not ‘I’m heading up the apples and pears’, it’s just ‘I’m heading up the apples’… otherwise it is hardly a cryptolect at all.
And that’s probably how it started, as a way to say things in front of other people, to call them berks, and not have them know what you are saying. Traditionally a working class method of communication.
With that in mind, I have decided to start an off-shoot for the educated classes, and I’m calling it ‘Hockney rhyming slang’ – as you can guess from the name it uses only the names of artists and composers, something the riff-raff probably won’t know, to communicate.
Obviously, it should be ‘David rhyming slang’.
I imagine you’ll be able to come up with a few better than this but let’s see if you can work out the following (I’ve provided links to help you out):
‘He’s got a nasty Vincent‘
‘His Leonard has broken down’
‘Ted’s a bit of a Louis‘
‘The door’s locked, do you have the Doris?’
‘I was absolutely George’d last night’
‘You’ve got Philip‘
‘Sorry, I was being a bit Robert‘
‘Has Bob’s Fairfield turned 18 yet?’
Ok, that’ll do for now, what do you have… and can any one come up with a rhyming word to fit Kurt Schwitters?
Ben on 
Ty on
This is awesome. Still trying to cloak my frontal cortex around it, but it’s neat!
Isn’t it? I wish I had slang for ‘thanks’.
I’ve always loved the idea of rhyming slang but between knowing dense people and my brain working so slow (as a result of living amongst the dense) I suck at it. The same thing happened when I tried to take up sign lanuage and Spanish.
I totally get every single one of your Hockneys, though, and humbly submit these:
I’ve got to take the kids ’round to the Kurt.
A lot of my time goes to reading the Kurt of people I don’t know.
I told you, I totally Wolfgang at this sort of thing. (I don’t even know if fancy chefs count.)
I like the Wolfgang.
Fancy chefs do count… and they are ace as well.
Trying to understand Cockney always makes my head want to explode all over the place.
What about philosophers?
I ate too much cake and now I’m feeling a bit John Stuart.
Look at the Bertrands on that gym bunny!
Philosophers are good (debate)…
I like ‘Bertrands’…
I really like utilising ‘John Stuart’
This is a better example:
Andy Murray is wincing. It looks like he’s pulled a Bertrand.
More..
“You only signed up for Spanish class because you fancy the Friedrich!”
“Sometimes, in my darker moments, it sit for hours, speechless and inert, staring into the gaping Sigmund.”
“I’d ask her out, but I haven’t got the Aris.”
(Sorry about that last one. I’ll stop now)
Good work soldier…
You might not have the Aris, but you also lack the jacksons too…
Seriously, they’re great. very much a philosophy fan then? (I guessed as much when you brought out Mill)
“Lack the Jacksons” is the best yet!
Yes, I enjoy a bit of philosophy.
That sounds like a great way to start a fight – Yes, I enjoy a bit of philosophy, wanna make something of it?
Battling academics, it’s all glasses and elbow pads.
Sorry to have hijacked your Hockney rhyming slang with philosophers, though. I guess “gaping Lucian” would work just as well – better in fact, because Sigmund wasn’t a philosopher (by any stretch)
No need to apologise, you’ve done brilliantly… and to be honest, philosophers are not my strong point, so it’s good to have someone to fill the gaps.
Yes, Ziggy was a bit weak on philosophy… but good on coke.
there’s something rather graphic about the term ‘gaping Lucian’.
Here’s one closer to your original remit:
“Turn a light on, will you? It’s a bit Johann Sebastian in here.”
Haha, this is an amazing idea. I just lost half an hour puzzling out all of your, and all the ones in teh comments. Here’s another:
Biking to work this morning I nearly got run over by a crazy Adam York.
^_-
“All this talk of composers, artists, philosophy and Cockney rhyming slang is is rubbing off on me. I’m catching a Sibelius. ” Eh, I tried:(.
[...] The Flowfield Unity takes a shot at rhyming slang. Very clever stuff, and I’ll tell you this much — I’m going to use the word berk [...]
I honestly have no idea who most of the ppl you mentioned are.
this’ all a bit over my head too.
I can only think of one that moves onto Cockney Rhyming slang first; maybe that’ll be an exra level of code to break?
You were always on my Francis.
Francis Bacon -> Bacon Rind -> Mind. Awesome or what?
Oh.
weird.but now i’ll end up thinking it every time i hear that phrase. and then i’ll laugh to myself, because francis probably doesn’t like being sat on.
Well, if you look at his triptych: “Three Studies for Figures at the Base of a Crucifixion” you may change your mind, as a couple of them look like they’ve been more than sat on.
Just for the record, that work is my favourite piece of modern art.
I love that one too! Though they do look a bit sat upon, eh?
I guess I’m not very bright, I don’t understand this one :S
fancy a ruby murry?
is the funniest one i’ve heard in a while
and to be shamefully honest i have no idea what any of the ones you’ve used are lol
another one is…I’m not listering
which is advanced slang for american
american=yank=septic tank=anti-septic=listering
all hail stephen fry and QI
The meats I like are pork and Georgia!
(O’Keeffe)
So I’m not really sure why you’d need a slang word for beef (which has always seemed like slang or a euphemism to me, anyway. Why can’t we make like the Spanish and just call it cow? Well, vaca in Spanish, obviously.) but it still sort of works.
I loved all of your examples, they’re brilliant!
Also, long time no see! I asked for the Flowfield Unity book for Christmas, but alas! It did not materialise. Apparently it’s difficult to buy something when I forget to give any hint of where they might find such an item. Oops.
Anyway, it’s nice to come back to such an awesome strip. Hopefully I should be around more soon.
Reading my little thing about how beef is sort of slang anyway, perhaps Georgia could just mean cow. Y’know, just to add another level of crypticness to the whole thing.
Oh man, great! We can then take it one step further and say “Georgia-boys” instead of “cowboys.” Makes it sound vaguely dirty though…
Cowboys were always vaguely dirty, anyway…
…What with the dust and that.
(Oh god, I’m such a comic genius. Look at me go!)
I’m gonna have to ask – what rude word does berk rhyme with?
My mate got a cockney rhyming slang dictionary and we spent weeks calling each other “Parrafin lamp”, “Bill Wymen”, “one-time looker”, saying you’ve got a “dodgy boat” or “your Jack and Danny’s on display.” Endless hours of rude fun. I was, however, shocked to learn what toerag was originally supposed to mean….it’s said on all sorts of childrens shows!
Well, Berk is short for Berkshire Hunt… which means, well, if you don’t know you can find out here:
http://www.cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk/slang/berkshire_hunt
I haven’t seen (or heard) paraffin lamp used in ages, good call for the retro slang.
Oh, I knew what berk meant because I remember seeing it and laughing as I live in Berkshire….buuuutt, the berk from berkshire isn’t pronounce berkshire, it’s pronounced barksheer, barks for short. So it doesn’t quite work. Still, t’is the nature of rhyming slang.
I like Friar Tucked. :p always love the rude ones.
That’s true… But you know the cock-en-ees, they like to mix it up a bit.
Friar Tucked? Does that mean ‘booked’ or ‘ducked’?
Nah, mate, Friar Tucked is to be fucked, as in hammered, as in “Went down the pub last night, got well Friar’d and ended up with a one-time looker with a dodgy boat lying on me apples with her jack’n'danny on display. did you get brahms last night guv?”
>.< I so did not just sit and think up that whole sentence..
Oh, I meant to say-my favourites will always be Brahms, and trouble and strife. :p
are you saying that “porter” and “daughter” rhyme?
Im just well amd truly lost!
im from kent uk and its quite commen to hear it round here and have to agree about the americans getting it wrong , but thats no supprise really is it
iv got fletchers (ronnie barkers) book of ryhming slang i dunno where i got it from but its falling to bits and quite old, i’ll share some out the insults and naughty page
)
dustbin lid
groccer’s shop
Four by two
jiggle & jog
silvery moon
spotty dog
widow’s wink
orange pip
tom tit
nook & cranny
orchestra stalls
khyber pass
bristol cities
bottle & glass
mozart * liszt
fillet of cod
kingdom come
I’d just been into the bog for a tom tit, its the only place you can sit and read the paper in peace round here. Well, on the way back, I slipped on a banana skin and fell flat on me nook & cranny, I was lucky I didnt damage me orchestra stalls, Of course everybody thought i was mozart & liszt, falling flat on my khyber pass like that. Some girl went past with an upturned nose and bristol cities to match.
“fallen on your bottle & glass have you?, Hope you havnt damaged your brains,” she said. Cheeky little fillet of cod. What she needed was a good smack on the kingdom come.
you wanna read the queens xmas speech one?
it reminds me of the slang used in ‘a clockwork orange’, i’d like to use some of that too.
Nadsat?
Yarbles.
Nadsat I generally understand, but I can’t wrap my head around Hockney Rhyme. Is that odd?
Actually, I think…a lot of nadsat is close to Russian, and I understand Russian. So perhaps not so odd…
ya i love the language in that iv only seen the film though, to lazy to read the book and not sure id be able to get my Gulliver round it
if you’ve seen the movie i’m sure you’ll get it, even if it’s a little hard at first.