Tinned Time Travel
Tinned or canned food… it’s fascinating.
No, really, that was said without a hint of sarcasm.
It’s probably one of the greatest achievements of modern civilisation… Our great wonder. The thing that will probably remain in some form long after we are gone, alongside the mountains of plastic buried beneath the earth.
BC – Before Canning – food preservation was a pretty sad affair. Salting and smoking and drying. All reasonable enough for preserving food, but each changing the taste of the item preserved.
Admittedly, blasting a foodstuff with radiation or pasteurising it to within an inch of its integrity may alter the taste a little…but I think it does so in a good way… I like tinned food.
It’s an icon too. Warhol knew this… the uniformity of the modern vector for food is an ideal poster child for the industrialisation of art.
Remove a label from a can and what do you have? A mystery time capsule to be hurled into the future unknown.
And that’s what I have in my hand now. A naked can, containing godknowswhat. I can’t remember buying it and I certainly can’t remember what is in it… Perhaps I didn’t buy it, perhaps the previous tenant of this flat bought it and left it for me…
So what do I do, shall I open it to satisfy my own curiosity, do I keep it for a later date should I need it or do I put it back in the cupboard, and leave it there as I move out of this place (yes, I’m moving again) for the next occupant to wonder and ponder?
I should add, that this comic is not really of my doing…
The credit should go to my brother in law, who said, ‘time travel opens up a whole can of worm holes’ completely off hand and unaware of his own genius.
Thanks Phil.
I should also add that during a recent stay, Roo added a further caveat to this which is ‘Drug use opens up a whole can of pot holes’.
Thanks Roo.
Keep it for when you make a joke that’s not particularly funny, in case it’s canned laughter.
/b
A quick calculation reveals that that the can would have a shelf life of around three minutes in that case.
Only thing I can’t really eat canned is green beans. Everything else, yah, there’s a bit of a interest added by canning.
I had some Spaghetti-Os last night because I’d run out of every other food item except for peanut butter (and later I ate some of that directly from the jar). My digestive system and I are engaged in an ongoing conflict and he didn’t care at all for those Spaghetti-Os. No sir.
The Great Joe Bivins´s last blog ..SONG: Indelible
I think our digestive systems would get along fine
Ben´s last blog ..Woomeral River HDR
Sometimes when I’m at a strangers house for a house party, I’ll remove the labels from all of their cans just so that they can go through the same terrible mystery…
I am not a big fan of the can. The only time I happily eat tinned food is when I am camping, then I hope it is Hearty Beef Stew.
Canning is generally a bad thing. I dunno, maybe it is because I am used to all my food being fresh, I don’t like preserved foods?
Ben´s last blog ..Woomeral River HDR
I think we have some unlabelled cans around the house, but so long as the date’s not expired and there’s nothing else to eat, I’d have at it.
We recently had a similar scenario at my workplace. There was a locker on the break room that someone had locked up and never took his things out when he left, about the time I started there 8 years ago. This summer we had a conversation about it and borke it open to see what was inside: An apron, a name tag, a spoon of all things, and this weird slime (I believe it was sentient at this point).
The UNKNOWN, that is the point. Are you one who is willing to touch the unknown, or will you pass the matrix of probabilities on to another? Remember, once opened, it cannot be un-opened. Never opened, it cannot be realized.
Ah I believe you refer to the famous Schrodinger’s Can thought experiment.
The Great Joe Bivins´s last blog ..SONG: Indelible
i propose fabrication of a new label!
what exactly should be on this new label i can’t decide, but my first reaction based on all my recent brain-input was ‘cthulhu mucus’ and then ‘James Madison’.
i have the feeling I’m getting a little warped.
how James Madison would fit into a can i don’t know.
Hmmm, I dunno, but I reckon there would be ways to get him in there. Are you worried about the overall quality of the final product?
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Dehydrated he might fit.
The Great Joe Bivins´s last blog ..SONG: Indelible
My thoughts exactly. Are there any minerals he won’t need? Maybe we could scrap half the iron and phosphorous and most of the salt?
i suppose that depends on when you decide James Madison ceases to be James Madison
I dont also want canned goods, It’s better to taste fresh foods rather
I’ve been informed by many people making phonecalls on American television shows that they managed to get Prince Albert in a can, once. I’m sure Mr. Madison can join him.
/b
But youe see, the problem with Prince Albert in a can is they always let him out.
but how’d they get Prince Albert into that can in the first place?
i bet the British monarchy has a shrink ray.
I heard that Prince Albert was secretly a hamster in a man suit.
The Great Joe Bivins´s last blog ..SONG: Indelible
Preserved food really seems old.
If i found just like that to me, I would never take risks and would clear out them immediately.
I ‘m affraid to eat them by accident.