Risky business
Now, I don’t live in a particularly hostile urban environment. The sunless town of Lancaster is, on its worst days, pretty mild.
Every so often I find myself indulging in slightly risky behaviour, either through a false sense of security or because even the residents of such a sedate place need to test their adrenal glands now and then.
A couple of months ago I was taken by surprise.
Just past midnight, I made my way home along a well lit street in a nice neighbourhood after an evening in with my friends and a few beers… Minimal risk, really.
So it was a shock when I found myself throw into a doorway by a group of youths.
One of them, I guess the leader based on the fact he was the only one that spoke (perhaps he was the only one that could speak) started spewing some really homophobic language. You know the type – the sort that makes you think that the person shouting it is obviously gay and repressed and has chosen to deal with this fact by projecting his intimate desires onto everyone else… particularly strangers.
Fortunately, I was in quite a good mood. The beers had made me rather jolly and relaxed and as a result I felt pretty calm when normally I would have been freaking out.
‘What’s this about gentlemen?’ (yes, I used the word gentlemen… on reflection not only was this inaccurate but probably served as provocation)
‘Give us a cigarette’, said the leader. One of his group, a particularly tall lad held out his hand.
‘I don’t have any’, I replied. This was true, I didn’t.
‘What money do you have?’
‘I’m sorry but we’re out of luck there too, I don’t have any’. This was mostly true. I had about fifty pence in change in my pocket.
At this point I realised that I was being mugged… however, due to the fact that I had nothing of value on me, it was an ill-advised mugging. We stood there for a few moments in silence. They were obviously weighing up what to do next, they were out of ideas and this was not going well, and I was just waiting to see where it went.
I should add that at this juncture I had realised that I might be in for a kicking… it seemed like a perfectly reasonable way to end a failed mugging and save face for all concerned. This was not to be the case though.
One of the little troopers rushed over and grabbed my glasses. Genius. They all started running.
Now, as I’ve said, I had drunk a few beers. Sober Adam would have cut his losses and wandered off home in a blurry manner. But I was not sober, and the adrenaline had kicked in. I ran after them.
One thing you should know. I’m not really a marathon runner. Sprinting, I’m fine, but any distance and I’m in trouble.
If only they had kept running for a while longer they would have left me panting and myopic. But I guess they got spooked. One of them stopped dead and handed out my glasses.
‘Sorry mate’.
‘That’s OK… but why the glasses? They’re not worth much to anyone else’.
He just shrugged and started running to catch up with his friends. I turned around and walked home. Strange night.
I keep thinking that I’ll bump into them again one night, though I haven’t seen any of them since. I wonder what it’ll be like… will we reminisce about the time they tried to mug me and failed? Will they give it another go? Either way I’m happy to report that I’m not at all scared. If anything I see it as a new sport, like fox hunting without the horses, or the fox.
There was a mugging that made the news here a few weeks ago. The muggers had inflicted a small bit of bodily harm to their victim to get him down. One of them took his wallet, to steal the contents, but promptly handed it back and apologized. He had seen the victim’s military id card. The muggers thanked the victim for his service and ran off.
I’m glad you came out of your scrape unharmed and with an interesting story to tell.
Brandy ´s last blog ..Apostrophes and Hugs
That’s really interesting… It does show you that people probably wouldn’t mug most other people if they knew what they did for a living… or if they knew what little money most people have.
Plus, it’s rare you get mugged by people you know. I guess I was trying to strike up a rapport with my would-be muggers in an attempt to test that.
On a slightly related note, isn’t something like a 50% improved chance of getting a lost wallet back if it has photographs of your children in it?
As someone without children ther would be a 50% chance of being arrested for having photographs of other people’s children in mine.
Scary story – you weave a mean story.
Oh yes – and the extreme urban sport in the header is top-notch.
Hey – what is the green ‘B’ below here that has picked up my last blog post?
David´s last blog ..Nikon D700 and Nikon D60: Comparing Image Quality
Thanks, that’s very kind of you to say so.
And the blog post thing is a way that I can show a small amount of appreciation for your comment by linking my site to your blog… plus it’s a good way of showing off what you do so that we can judge you (kidding, but it does seem to put a lot of comments in context).
I see you have an interesting career path – that’s pretty varied, wood turner, teacher, lawyer – and that you have an interest in 2D representations of the world… top stuff, and all very interesting indeed.
Had a read of your comparison article. Very interesting.
Ben´s last blog ..eensy spider
Now I hope you’ve learned your lesson and will drive home next time.
/b
Now that would be an extreme urban sport… mostly because I’m usually a little bit drunk when I’m wandering home in that manner, and also because I can’t drive.
I know… I could catch a taxi, but where is the confrontational fun in that?
“I think I’ll watch footy.
I know it’s not extreme.
Why take it to the max when you can take it to the mean?”
-TISM, X-treme sports can kiss my arse
The 327th Male´s last blog ..Lotto roulette
A geeky averages joke… you sir, are a genius.
Now i’ve put some thought in to this…..
If i was a naughty young punk, out and about on a night of mischief and muggery, I think a great urban sport would be laptop bag kicking. I would lie in wait on street corners and wait for an unsuspecting business chap to go past and take a running roundhouse to his laptop bag draped across his back. There would probably be a points system to establish the winner.
I have thought that this is what I’d do as I have been wandering around this town, with my laptop bag on my back.
Good story.
You’re a dark character.
Points would probably be along the equation of:
Processor speed + number of irreplaceable family photographs
__________________________________________________
Damage Caused
Wait, that doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.
Probably multiply instead of divide.
And do I get a latest post thing? It was a year or so ago, but that still counts, right?
If only all young muggers were so…courteous?
My mum used to smoke at the petrol stations. But she quit and now we have a cell phone, which can also cause explosions.
The hardcore life. Wow.
Lynda´s last blog ..The core temperature of my computer dropped 50° after I copy/pasted my story into notepad & back…
I realise that it wasn’t the point of your story really, but it is actually an urban myth that phones cause explosions. I work in a pharmaceutical laboratory, and we have the “NO MOBILE PHONE” signs around our solvent stores, just like around every petrol station. I have never turned my phone off, because after some googling found that there was no support at all for the warning. I am on the site health and safety committee so raised the point there. Management couldn’t have been less interested. So we still have the signs, but when giving new people a tour I always tell them that the signs are bullshit. No-one died yet.
Indeed, this is true…
Apparently more fires are caused by static electricity from the human body than mobile phones.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/kent/4366337.stm
There was also that episode of Brainiac where they proved it by filling a caravan with petrol, putting something like ten phones in it, and calling them all simultaneously.
/b
…yeah, I was exaggerating for comedic effect. I thought. ^_^
Lynda´s last blog ..More reasons why I am and always will be anti-bullet: http://bit.ly/4xycOt
How do I turn pedant mode off on this internet thing?
Sorry, I guess we missed the point there… I was once told to turn my phone off in a petrol station by a policeman. Aside from the fact that he didn’t really take to my reasoned argument, as above, he stood there with his radio on chattering away whilst he did so.
Now I don’t know… maybe police radios use different technology to mobile phones… perhaps they’re a bit special (seriously, if you know the difference, let me know).
Adam´s last blog ..Risky business
Haha! The police live in a bit of a different world then the rest of us, I think.
HAHA, I had a similar experience, only it was a family member going, “YOU HAVE TO TURN EVERYTHING OFF ***NOW***!” …I wouldn’t trade ‘em for the world, honestly.
Ach, pedants help me improve my writing, and reading my original post again I didn’t really make it clear, sometimes I’m too dry for my own good.
Yeah… that dry sarcastic humour doesn
Help you improve your writing, and look really good on a string, dangling from your neck.
/b
Gold Beemoh, pure gold.
Ben´s last blog ..eensy spider
The one time I got mugged the guy took my last 20 cents by threatening me and my mate with a milk crate.
I live dangerously by refusing to use the bottles of hand sanitiser that seem to have sprouted up everywhere in the office environment.
franzy´s last blog ..You know it’s hot when …
I also try to live dangerously by not sanitizing my hands all the time, but I think it’s actually improving my immune system…
Erika Hammerschmidt´s last blog ..Abby and Norma #574
I am surprised you survived a mugging in murder city.
Although, that said, it’s probably only dangerous if there’s a demonstrable risk …
Hmm …
I CROSS THE ROAD!!
EAT RED MEAT!
franzy´s last blog ..You know it’s hot when …
Ah, well, that could’ve turned out poorly. I must admit, Lancaster doesn’t seem like the sort of place for muggings, does it?
In Philadelphia, it’s advisable to always carry a few dollars, because if you get mugged, it’s likely to be at gun-point. And if it’s a failed mugging, there’s a chance you’ll get shot, actually. We don’t really get sport muggings over here though: if you’re being mugged, they’re probably reeeeally strung out, looking for drug money, or part of a gang, fund-raising.
A while back, I was out late in a not-so-great part of town with a couple of friends, after a night of bowling. I left on my bicycle, and they almost immediately got mugged. Two guys with pistols. They took everything too, including two nearly filled sketchbooks from K, which we never recovered. She was so angry. I still wonder if they were watching, and waited till I left to do it… no one else in the group was even remotely threatening looking. Although, I’m sort of surprised K didn’t do something stupid and get herself shot… I wouldn’t put it past her.
You know, lots of cabbies don’t even have licenses. Many are illegal or barely legal immigrants with no proper training, so it is still an extreme sport.
I’m glad you didn’t get a good kicking, although I suppose that also would’ve made an interesting anecdote of a sort.
Joseph Hewitt´s last blog ..Go On With You
Curiouser and curiouser. I’m envisioning flavors of Steve Buscemi in a Neil Gaiman short story.
sitting pugs´s last blog ..With these hands I can do
Oh man, what a great idea. Can we get Steve Buscemi and Neil Gaiman together for a movie? We can bring McKean in to do the art, and Stephanie Leonidas to play teh leading role?
We should all pool our networking resources and see what kind of Six Degrees of Buscemi and Gaiman results. Maybe they’re within six degrees of each other!
sitting pugs´s last blog ..With these hands I can do
Shall I show off?
I’m two degrees away from Gaiman.
Buscemi, no idea though.
So, to sum up. I know someone who is cooler than me, and have never stalked Steve Buscemi.
I’ve always wondered, what exactly counts as a degree?
A link that takes three years to do.
/b
One degree = one person. If you know someone who knows the person in question, that’s one degree away. If you know the actual person in question, then I guess you’d just say “I know the person.” ^J^
sitting pugs´s last blog ..College Football 2009: UGA munches on GaTech
Yeah, it’s dangerous when kids became bored. Then they start strolling around at night and robbing glasses…It’s a cruel world…
Curtis Jackson´s last blog ..50 Cent Gives Two Cents On G-Unit Rumors