The uncanny valley is a horrible place to live. No one will like you, you’re not quite human and you’re not quite an object… you’re an affront to taste, you’re repulsive.

Fortunately, it’s not a place any of us will ever find ourselves, being human, but for our ever-developing robots it is a real possibility. They are starting to get to that stage now – they look so like us, but still not quite right.

I was thinking, that whilst the uncanny valley theory is specifically directed at robotics, whether the same principles apply with traditional sculpture… for some reason I don’t think it does. I know that sculpture can be horrifying and repulsive, as art that’s part of it’s role, but often this is derived from how un-human it appears. Life-like models in sculpture tend to be praised for their beauty or even honesty, whereas with robots we see ugliness and dishonesty.

The graph suggests this has something to do with movement – human-like movement. Perhaps that’s why shops can safely install stationary life-like mannequins, but if they were to use  ones that would wander around the shop we might all feel uneasy.

I’d look to Sigmund Freud for help with this, but he’s not much use. Aside from being a deceased drug addict, he also had a bit of a fetish… he had a love of sculpture… and not exactly a ‘pure’ love.

What Freud referred to as ‘The Fetish‘ (a condition he assumed that because he had it, every man had it) was a fascination with sculpture, brought on by noticing, he theorised, the lack of his mothers external genitalia. His attraction to sculpture being an attempt to replace that genitalia… all sculpture, Freud assumed, was a substitute phallus (his word, it it gives me the creeps).

Check out Freud’s desk:

That’s a lot of phallus for a desk.

Maybe it does help… If we view robots as sculpture – something we have created – albeit a very complex and mechanical one, then what is it that we see? Gigantic genitals with their own mind? I’d find that a little repulsive, but I’m not sure it’s right… Personally, I think what we see when we look at an immigrant from the uncanny valley is all that we are without humanity, something we seem to like let slip, and I think the repulsion is not directed towards the robot, but towards ourselves.

So, from now on, when I use the phrase, ‘don’t be a dummy’, it’s not a quiant way of slighting the recipients itellect, rather it’s a heart-felt plea, loaded with repulsion.

There are plenty of things out there with a hankering for human flesh, and for once I’m not talking about zombies.

No, I’m talking about killer robots.

They’re some way off assembly though… but you can already see the pieces.

In ancient times, 2006 to be precise, a clever scientist named Hideo Shimazu and his team created a robot that was designed to ‘taste’ wine so that they can tell whether it is authentic without opening the bottle. All good. However, when a reporter decided to place his hand in the robots ‘mouth’ something odd happened…

It identified him as the rather nice cured ham, prosciutto… and just to test, it decided that the cameraman was bacon.

So, there’s part one. A robot that can not only taste, but is able to tell good food from bad – that bit is important as to some extent it implies a preference and from there it is a slight jump from having a preference to having a taste.

Step two pushes us into the near future, 2013. That year, South Korea hopes to open a robot themed park in Masan… despite the Hollywood warning that we call Westworld. That’s right, humans mingling with robots in a completely non-threatening environment, letting their guard down.

Finally, you just add them together and you get something like the Resident Evil/BioHazard experience at the Fuji-Q Highland theme park, except that they really are after a piece of you.

…and we’re back to zombies again.